fart_hard

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 15:06:58 GMT

Please publish a book of memoir-ific essays that will give David Sedaris a run for his money. Because you could and he needs it.

Thanks,

A Fan

hey guys, remember me?

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 20:48:56 GMT

wow, it's been a crazy two years. i moved to saudi arabia, got deported for sexing up a camel, and now i'm back in the u.s. living off the fat o' the lan'.

just kidding about that last part! lol, america is the trimmest country ever!

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 15:30:34 GMT

I had to beg and harass a guy into spending his birthday with me. A guy who still has interest in a girl he "had the hots for and wanted to fuck". I feel like dying.

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 10:11:41 GMT

My lover cheated on me with a man by grabbing cock in a peep show "buddy booth". He now claims that he's not gay and was merely reacting to the rage he felt at the time. You see, my estranged husband came from another continent to spend ten days with me. My husband does not know of this lover. It's not what one would call a marriage anymore, but a convenient situation for both of us. A convenient situation that's not meeting my emotional needs at all and causing me much pain. Still I don't divorce. Oh and I've been living apart from him for eight years.

My lover is nearly ten years my junior.

I'm lonely and I feel incapable of taking care of myself. This post has but one point: I am a piece of shit. I think I need help.

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 01:25:47 GMT

I'm in love with my best friend.

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 05:33:16 GMT

I am involved with one person and in love with another. I'm unwilling (or afraid) to end it with the first because of my financial dependence on him. I also feel obligated to play the role of his partner. It's a very unsatisfying situation. I'm torn and frustrated and I don't like living like this. Sometimes I think of not living at all but I'm too cowardly to accomplish that so I suppose I'll stew in my own shitty mess forever. I really disgust myself.

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 04:48:37 GMT

THIS PLACE IS DEAD.

i thought i'd ask a question just because i'm curious.

say someone wronged you. say you had an opportunity to exact revenge within the next week or your chance is lost forever.
and say this person sleeps three feet from you every night. (now some people know who this is).

what would be a good way to fuck with this person or this person's mind?

Sat, 29 May 2004 16:10:27 GMT

The lull in this journal is directly related to me not giving a fuck about posting in it. Also, it's not as clever as it should be. If you think that posting for entertainment is something the masses want to read, fuck you! You don't know the FIRST THING about writing. I am the Writer Extraordinaire not ANY of you, and don't you ever forget it. I deserve to be a little bitch because of my unfortunate family situation which I make no pains to change because I'm more comfortable whining about it in text superimposed over a background of my lopsided mouth. I am sexy and slutty but I've only fucked a few.

You're all in love with me.
Keep fantasizing about my gash.

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 15:21:57 GMT

Am I mistaken in believing the lull in entries in this journal is directly related to diasphora’s recent absence from Livejournal land? I knew she was the one behind all those disgusting entries, I knew it.

question

Thu, 01 Apr 2004 19:26:27 GMT

Scenerio: a girl is feeling pretty shitty about something in her life, calls up a guy for comfort, then after talking for awhile, they end up making out. A standard reaction might be that the next day, the girl feels taken advantage of in her weakened state.

Does this translate over if you switch roles? Would the guy feel taken advantage of if the girl went over to comfort him and they ended up making out, or would he just see it as an added bonus?

And would your opinion change based on which one of them initiated it?

Fisting

Mon, 29 Mar 2004 05:08:36 GMT

What're everyone's opinions on fisting? Do you enjoy it/hate it? Have you had a partner who enjoyed it/hated it?

It's always been on my personal list of "Fuck NO, Not Ever," but I'm trying to get a handle on what the appeal of it is exactly. I understand, different strokes for different folks, but it seems like one of those anomalous sexual acts because it isn't particularly associated with BDSM (though I imagine there's a certain degree of pain involved), but on the other hand, it's not exactly the missionary position.

What're your thoughts?

Hello hello hello!

Mon, 22 Mar 2004 13:19:53 GMT

Thank you for offering this journal as an outlet diasphora. You're certainly among the most interesting livejournal users I've come across.

So anyway, I have posted this in my personal journal but I felt that I may have better luck getting some feedback here so forgive me if you're seeing this twice.

I'm wondering something:

Just how many women lie about their sexual past, and by that I mean the number of partners they've had? It seems to me that the percentage is quite high.

I think that many women, when asked to reveal the number of sexual partners they've had, quickly do some mental math to bring the number down to something more palatable to their significant(?) other. I believe they divide the number in half and subtract two then round DOWN, if necessary. For example: A woman who has slept with 7 people will arrive at an answer of 1. 7/2 = 3.5 - 2 = 1.5 = 1. Or maybe, if she's feeling generous, she might round up to 2, depending on whether the answer of "1" would be deemed ludicrous or not.

I'm not entirely serious, of course.
But I do think that most women knock a few people off THE LIST at least, if not halve it.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all of you and every woman you've known is very honest. But I think that for many women, sexual "experience" = some kind of stigma. We worry about being seen as whores, and we worry about making the men we love feel intimidated or inadequate. After all, if they didn't feel somewhat ___________, they wouldn't even care to know. True or not?

Do people have a "right" to know a person's (potential lover, or lover) complete (and perhaps) detailed sexual history? Do those who respond to such queries have the "right" to lie? What about "white lies"? Good/bad/necessary/unnecessary/effective/ineffective? What about just being evasive when the topic is broached? Lies by omission...

Do you think women lie?
Should they lie?
Is it wrong to want to know?
Is it wrong to withhold the info?

I've been guilty of this lie, especially by omission, but also blatantly. I always thought that it was foolish of anyone to ask but how HYPOCRITICAL of me because I always like to know myself. I like to know what I'm sleeping with and where *it* has been. [*Edit - That's actually not true. I'm only interested in that sort of info when the "relationship" is more than casual.] But does it really matter? I don't know. Maybe. But sometimes disclosure of this sort only brings more questions.

I feel BETTER about myself when I can be completely honest, but it also makes me feel weak and vulnerable and I sometimes worry that shit will be used against me later. But so what? If someone wants to be an asshole, they will find something to use against you, whether you think there's anything or not. I guess I know this because I've been an asshole myself.

Is there a point to this post? Probably not. I'd be interested in hearing what anyone else has to say about this...anonymously, if you must.

Mon, 15 Mar 2004 09:21:55 GMT

i was just curious...

how old were you (all) when you lost your virginity?
post annonymously if you so please.

Not exactly new content...

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 21:17:16 GMT

But I *do* have an actual question I need help with. Two, actually.

1. I've been looking at getting a sex toy for quite some time now. I've never gotten one before, and want to make sure it's a good one; one that will make me notice a difference between it and other common household objects I've been using so far. Here's what I've come up with so far in terms of criteria:

*vibrator
*I really would like it to be pretty thin; many of them I've looked at are mondo-enormous, and that's not what I'm looking for
*multiple vibrating levels would be good
*the g-spot stimulating ones look appealing
*so do the ones that give you clit stimulation along with penetration--although they all look really freaky, like weird animals attached to strangely colored objects. I don't want to be too scared by my toy to use it.

Any opinions about the combination toys (like g-spot vibrators/clit stimulators, etc.)? Is it better to just get a plain ol' vibrator without the weird extra gadgets? Is is possible to get a vibrator that doesn't look like some weird monster that I wouldn't want to put anywhere near my vagina? And is it possible to get one that's good but is thinner? I seem to notice that the standard sizes are like 2 inches.

2. Any tips on a good way to get rid of the hair around your butt? Waxing that area scares me, and shaving's a pain as I can't see too well. I'd rather do it myself and not have to pay anyone. Ideas? Thoughts? Suggestions?

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 20:17:05 GMT

New Content.

Mama Mia

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 17:41:08 GMT

I just got back from the cruisy park. There's nothing quite like shit farming in a public restroom while a burly trucker fondles your dingleberries with his tongue. Unless, of course, you're listening to Yanni-- that just puts the whole experience "Over the Top", as they say.

*Sigh*

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 05:32:05 GMT

Just got home from seeing my fake boyfriend. There is nothing quite like getting face fucked by a 20 year old in a car while listen to Blondie.

Sat, 06 Mar 2004 18:47:27 GMT

OMFG let me post an entry on this thing so that my words can be at the very top of the screen and OMG! OMG! I can refresh the page 10-20 times over the next couple of days to see if OMFG! anyone has bothered to comment. I touched my cunt today, then I sucked a cock! I rammed a large object in my vag, then I put the object away without washing it. OMG I had like 45,872 orgasms -- in PUBLIC. OMFG! OMG I like to think about screwing my brother as I'm masturbating in church with my mother's electric toothbrush. Yeah I'm fucking cool. Go ahead and comment now. I'm waiting.

Sat, 06 Mar 2004 15:13:18 GMT

I masturbated at work yesterday twice. Actually one and a half cos someone came in and started farting on the toilet. Ruined the mood, I guess.

I never did that before at work. I hardly ever masturbate with my hands anyway but I got OMGFUKMEESUPER horny thinking about a manager in another department. I bet he fucks omfg good. The weird thing? He is like 40 years my senior!

WHY THE FUCK?

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 23:18:29 GMT

We are together, but not sexually yet. He had what he thought was a "yeast infection" on his penis on around his anus. He got a culture and blood work. Positive for the herpes virus and negative for antibodies. That indicates that this was his first outbreak, though he remembers having mild symptoms in the past that he thought were from vigorous sex. He hasn't had intercourse with anyone new since last April. I've been making him "wait" for me. So he has HERPES. And now the ex-girlfriends have been contacted once again, which irritates me even further.

HERPES.

He has to wait until Tuesday to get the type testing results (HSV-1 or HSV-2), but chances are it's type 2, and I don't believe I have that. I know I have type 1 which leads to cold sores, etc.

I am disappointed and at times FURIOUS. Why should I have to pay for his past mistakes, his unprotected sex? I despise his ex-girlfriend as it is (the last one he slept with) because he got scared and ran back to her when we were first talking. THAT'S why I've been making him wait for me for so long... And now: HERPES.

I love this person, but I don't know if I'm capable of the strength I apparently need to keep dealing with him. He says he wouldn't give it to me, that he would live with me without intercourse. He begged me not to leave him. We even discussed in-home insemination methods because we both want children. Right now it seems like it's all too much for me. Why should I shoulder this burden? I'm not a saint and I'm not a martyr.

And he told me he called his ex-girlfriend the night before last. I just feel fucking sick with all of this. I will be reminded of his mistakes, carelessness, indiscretion, etc. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I turned off my phones today. I haven't written an email and I haven't tried to contact him otherwise. I feel somewhat numb and distant.

I just want to crawl into a hole and die - LITERALLY.

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 01:45:43 GMT

am i the only female who can't have multiple orgasms? it seems like every other woman is like, "oh yea, i came 12 times last night! i don't know what's wrong with me, usually i cum at least 15!" i have one and then that's it for a while. i feel like if i had more than that within a reasonable time period my clit would fall off.

Fri, 27 Feb 2004 14:22:14 GMT

when I masturbate I can bring on three orgasms within around twenty seconds of each other, every time, the whole process takes two minutes tops

Idiocy

Fri, 27 Feb 2004 07:39:12 GMT

I'm tired of listening to my fucking sister scream at her kids (actually her adopted GRANDKIDS) every time I'm on the phone with her. During a 15 minute call, she screams no less than 3 times. She actually tells me to take the phone away from my ear. The most unbelievable part of this is that she refused a movie date with me because she didn't want to let her daughter (my niece) babysit because her son-in-law would be there and he YELLS AT THE KIDS. Fucking ridiculous. She can't possibly realize how much she's fucking screaming at them. It's horrible.

Thu, 26 Feb 2004 08:56:02 GMT

I just finished masturbating with my Pocket Rocket. I fantasized about my girlfriend rubbing her strap-on cock against my pussy lips, and then her slowly pushing it in and out. The fantasy felt so real, even her breath against my neck, and the heavy weight of her breasts on top of mine. I worked my vibrator against my clit to a fever pitch, imagining her fucking me deep and hard with her strap-on cock, and I finally came at the thought of her rolling her hips around so that her strap-on cock would hit my g-spot.

I miss having sex with her. Damn long distance relationships!

Tue, 24 Feb 2004 01:11:01 GMT

Whenever I'm not wearing a bra, I find myself idly cupping my breasts from time to time. Not in a sexual manner, just for fun. Men don't know what they're missing. ;o)